The 10 Commandments of Family Law

Narrator: [00:00:00] Welcome to another episode of Best of Johnston County, brought to you by Breeden Law Office. Our host, Jonathan Breeden, an experienced family lawyer with a deep connection to the community, is ready to take you on a journey through the area that he has called home for over 20 years. Whether it’s a deep dive into the love locals have for the county or unraveling the complexities of family law, Best of Johnston County presents an authentic slice of this unique community.

camera-a_1_10-05-2023_160431: Hello and welcome to episode one of . The best of Johnston County Podcast. My name is Jonathan Breeden and I’m the owner of the Breeden Law Office, and I’ll be the host of this podcast that my office is starting. With this episode. There is also episode Zero. You can find out where you found this one, which talks a little bit about me and the history and how I sort of got here.

We sort of envision this podcast. As a community podcast where we’re gonna interview different people in the community are interesting from politicians to community members[00:01:00] and other, other professionals about what they love about Johnson County and how Johnson County has allowed them to be successful.

that’s gonna be most of the episodes and a few episodes will be about me. Talking about family law, which is what I do and have done here in the 4042 Cleveland School area of Johnston County. For the last 23 years, I’ve built a practice that now has seven lawyers total, and we practice primarily in Johnston Hornet and Wake County’s in North Carolina and handle all family law needs.

This first episode is gonna be about . What we sort of call the 10 Commandments of family law, and these are the 10 commandments that we try to share with our clients and ask them to keep in mind when we’re helping them go through what is often the most difficult thing they’ve ever gone through in their life, that being a divorce or a separation where there are children involved.

Assets involved, [00:02:00] emotions involved, and if people can sort of keep these sort of 10 things in their mind, it will make it better for them and help them get to a better outcome quicker. These are not perfect. These are just kind of the way. I like to talk to people and we’re just going to do an overview of them today on future episodes.

Down the road, you’ll probably hear us do a deeper dive, but since this is the beginning of this, we thought we would just do a high level overview of what we call the 10 Commandments of Family Law at Breeden Law Office. The first commandment is know thy finances. It is extremely important when you come in to first meet with a family law attorney at the Breeden Law Office or any family law attorney, that you understand what your financial situation is at the time you’re coming into the office.

You need to have a realistic idea of . What you own in your house, [00:03:00] what your house is worth, what you own in your cars, what your cars are worth, how much you may have in your 401ks or 403bs or general stock accounts to have a fairly decent idea of what your debts are. Not only we talked about what you own a house, what you own a car, but your credit card debts.

Or any other medical debts or any other debt that you have so that your attorney can start to get a complete financial picture of where you are and what there may be to divide. It is also very important that you already start to develop a budget for what it is going to look like for you to either live in the home you’re in or move to a different home now that your relationship is not going to continue.

The second commandment is budgeting separately, and I just talked a little bit about that, and it goes with the financing. You need to have a realistic idea if you’re going to move to somewhere else, how much [00:04:00] rent will be, how much power will be, how much your water bill will be. You will also need to have a realistic idea if you were to stay in the home you’re in, how much those bills are, and those are usually are e usually easier.

To determine because you already have them, and removing a spouse does not move them very much. The other thing you have to keep in mind is ultimately if a house has to be refinanced to buy one spouse out of the other, you know, interest rates here and . Late 2023 when this podcast is being recorded, are running eight and a half, eight and three quarters percent.

That is way higher than the interest rate you probably have on your home currently, which more than likely if you bought it more than 18 months ago, is probably around three or 4%, and that is a shocking difference in a monthly payment if you’ve not looked at what those interest costs are now because you’ve not looked at buying a house or refinancing a house in the very [00:05:00] near

In in the near term. The third commandment is, put your children first and creating a compassionate plan for your children. After divorce, it is very important that your children be able to maintain a relationship with both parents and that rela that may be 50 50, it may not be 50 50, depending on whether both parents have a work schedule that allows them to get the kids to and from school and their activities.

Whether both parents are free of drug and alcohol abuse, that would’ve cause them to not be able to properly supervise the parents. Was it? Are both parents still in the same community to where the children could ride the bus or that they can get ’em to and from school? You know, all of these things have to be considered the parents’ work schedules as well.

All of these things have to be considered in coming up with what is the best plan for the children. But understand the children love both parents, and you [00:06:00] should not say anything bad about the other parent in front of the children or to the children. The fourth commandment is communicate with clarity.

You should have realistic conversations about custody and finances with your soon to be ex-partner, and you should be looking at it as what is best for the children. And what is also best for you moving forward. And so these things and, and you’re also having to deal with the emotions at the same time.

So, but you really have to try to, as much as possible, and I know this is almost impossible, remove yourself from the situation a little bit and try to look at it from say a 10,000 square foot view and be clear on what you believe is best and what you are going to need moving forward. The fifth commandment of family law is choose the right legal support.

It is very important that you find the right attorney [00:07:00] for you, and not all attorneys are gonna be right for you. We advise that you consult with at least one attorney, if not more, to make sure that you feel comfortable with them and the way they communicate with you. And their strategies that they believe will help you.

Not all attorneys are created equal, and not all attorneys will mesh with you, and you definitely need to find one that you trust and that you feel comfortable with. The sixth commandment of family law is maintain respect and dignity. How to navigate divorce with grace. . You should res, you should approach the divorce process with respect for all parties involved, and that includes your attorney, the opposing attorney, the opposing party, the judge, the children, your family.

It is very important that everybody be respected and to recognize that [00:08:00] everybody has a role to play in this and that everybody is affected. And the judges and the lawyers are doing the best they can do with the facts that they are given. Lawyers and judges don’t create facts. Lawyers present facts.

Judges make decisions based on the facts that are presented. They are doing the best they can. They have tons of cases, and it’s always better to settle the case and not leave it up to the judge. and the more you can keep your emotions in check, the better practical decision you can make, the better advice you will get from your attorney and the more likely you are to accept your attorney’s advice, which will probably lead you to your best outcome.

Divorce attorneys have been doing this for a long time and they often know how these cases are going to end up, even though this is your often your first time going through the process.

Have family law questions? Need [00:09:00] guidance to navigate legal challenges? The compassionate team at Breeden Law Office is here to help. Visit us at www. breedenfirm. com for practical advice, resources, or to book a consultation. Remember, when life gets messy, you don’t have to face it alone.

camera-a_1_10-05-2023_160431: The seventh commandment of family law is plan for the long-term understanding, alimony, asset splits, and future goals.

You should consider the long-term aspects of what you’re doing now and what you are agreeing to and what that’s going to look like. You need to know what you’re entitled to. You also need to know how financially structured what you are entitled to is. The sales proceeds from a house are cash. A 4 0 1 K rollover is not if you receive a 4 0 1 k and a rollover.

You’re responsible for the taxes and an early withdrawal penalty of 10%. If you take [00:10:00] it more than one time after getting it in a divorce, you have to realize that the cash from the sell of a house and the rollover from a 4 0 1 K are not the same thing. So know the tax consequences look long-term. This goes back to the budgeting.

How much money do you need to live every month? Will you have to draw down your assets that you’re gonna receive as part of the property settlement. To live under the budget you made because the alimony you may or may not receive may not cover the budget you’ve made for yourself. This is a long-term game, and you need to be thinking about where you’re at now, where you’re gonna be in six months, where you’re gonna be in a year, and where you’re gonna be in five years, and make financial decisions that will help you get where you would like to be.

The eighth commandment of family law. . Is, protect your privacy, manage your social media. If you’re putting it on social media, [00:11:00] you can almost take it to the bank that your . Spouse’s divorce attorney is going to get access to it and if it is not positive, they’re going to use it. We routinely, every day in my office, search social media accounts.

We look for anything and anything that we can use that might make the opposing party. Not look positive. Are they out drinking at a bar at 2:00 AM Are they hanging with people that don’t look like they would be the people you’d want your children hanging out with? Are they making negative comments about their spouse or their spouse’s family?

And the other thing I think people forget is children have social media accounts. They’re friends with their parents. You go on social media and trash their father. And then the kid sees it. It’s the same thing as trashing the child. Be very careful of what you put on social media. You’re not gonna win any legal wars or any battles in any legal [00:12:00] case by talking trash about the other side, or the other side’s family, or their attorney or the judge on social media.

And you can guarantee you it’s gonna come back to haunt you in a trial when you’re sitting on the stand and the opposing attorney hands you a post and said, . Did you post this? The ninth commandment of family law is consider alternative dispute resolutions, mediation and collaborative divorce options, divorce, litigation, family law.

Litigation, custody litigation can be extremely expensive. Attorneys are charging 300, 400, $500 an hour in certain situations in Raleigh, where, and their legal assistance are billing . 100, 200, $300 an hour as well. It can get very expensive in a hurry if you insist on having to litigate everything all the way out.

And it is often better for you and your children emotionally and [00:13:00] financially. If you can reach reach a outcome in mediation where you have some say in what goes on. When you go to court, you really don’t have a say once it goes in front of the judge. That judge who doesn’t know you and doesn’t know your spouse and doesn’t know your children is gonna make the best decision that that they can, and oftentimes they’re only gonna get a chance to look at you.

For about an hour and they’re only gonna be able to listen to you answer about 15 questions, and they’re gonna be making temporary determinations that could hold for 12 to 24 months and possibly permanently, depending on whether the parties decide to come back for permanent custody. So mediation is great and it is, I highly recommend that everybody do everything in their power to settle it there.

there is also collaborative divorce where you, where each side hires an attorney and the attorneys are barred from being able to take the case to court and everybody works together to try to reach a [00:14:00] separation agreement and an outcome everybody can be happy with. If the parties are unable to reach an agreement, the attorneys are barred from continuing to represent the

For their clients and both clients have to go get new attorneys. So it incentivizes everybody to work together in a collaborative manner to try to get to an outcome so that the parents or the parties don’t have to hire all new attorneys and start over if they don’t reach an agreement.

And that is one of the great things about collaborative divorce. The 10th commandment is prepare for your post-divorce life, building a new life of confidence and care. This divorce. Separation is going to be over often, sooner rather than later. Particularly if you reach an agreement in mediation. But your life is gonna go on and you’re gonna start a new life.

And it could be a better life for you and your children. But even if you don’t know if it’s gonna be better, it’s still going to be your life [00:15:00] and you need to plan for it. If you need a counselor or think you might. I highly recommend counseling. If you come to our office, we’ll give you, we have a thing with Better health.com where you can get a free 30 days where you can talk to a counselor every week about your situation and whether they can help you.

You also need to be thinking about where you’re going to work. If you’re a spouse who stayed home and has been out of the workforce, you need to start planning on how you can get some job skills that allows you to get back into the workforce through your local community college or university. You can take refresher classes or go get a whole new degree.

And you have to be thinking like, what kind of work do I want to do? What kind of schedule do I wanna work? How much money can I realistically earn or do I need for this new post-divorce budget that we talked about earlier? But like I said, this life is going to be new. It may be better, but it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not.

It’s my [00:16:00] experience that in probably. . Half of the divorces we do. One spouse doesn’t want the divorce at all and they can’t really do anything to stop it. And so it’s often hard for them to move forward, but they have to move forward and to move forward. You need to take action. Action kills fear. You need to move forward.

Come up a plan as to how you are gonna be a better person and you’re gonna take on this new life. In a more positive manner because your family and your children are counting on it and it’s not gonna do anybody any good If you’re sitting around saying, woe is me, I’m the victim. Okay, so that is a brief overview of the 10 Commandments of Family Laws.

We give it here at Breeden Law Office. If you are going through a divorce or know somebody that is, or in a relationship that might be working out free to reach out to us at 9 1 9 6 6 1 4 9 7 0 0. Or reach out to us through our [00:17:00] website@breedenfirm.com. All of our contact information’s gonna be in the show notes below.

And if you enjoyed this first episode of the best of Johnston County Podcast, feel free to like and subscribe on YouTube and maybe give us a five star review so that we will be able to. Reach more people with this podcast. You can also share it with your friends and family on your social media, and they can start to learn about us and the services that my office provides here in Johnston County, and we’ll be able to know when all of these exciting guests of the best of Johnston County start to come on over the next few weeks.

Thanks a lot for listening and we want to continue to help you be the hero of your life story.

That’s the end of today’s episode of Best of Johnston County, a show brought to you by the trusted team at Breeden Law Office. We thank you for joining us today and we look forward to sharing more interesting facets of this community next week. Every story, every viewpoint adds [00:18:00] another thread to the rich tapestry of Johnston County.

If the legal aspects highlighted raised some questions, help is just around the corner at www. breedenfirm. com.